(no subject)

[con_heir]

[A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 8th of December, is NOT this young man's birthday, and he already has a name! So re-using this tired old joke isn't really going to work, now is it.

Okay, so a young man is standing in his bedroom. Except that it's not his bedroom, even though there are pictures of him all over the place! John Egbert is pretty sure that he would remember what his bedroom looked like, and last time he checked it had been destroyed and was being overrun by imps. John's not sure of many things right now, but he's definitely sure that he don't see no imps in this here bedroom.]

When Jade brought us through that wall, I didn't think this is where we'd end up...

[Time to explore! John heads outside and surveys the neighborhood, and for a while he thinks he may have somehow ended up back in his own neighborhood. This definitely isn't his house, though, and none of these neighbors look very familiar! In fact, the only thing in the front yard that really reminds him of home is the mailbox.

>John: leave a surprise for the mailman.

What? No, that's stupid. He's not going to do that.

>John: poop in the mailbox.

Absolutely not. Never gonna happen.

>John, you take a dump in that mailbox this instant.]

N.... No! I won't!

[Passersby are free to find John staring intensely at his front yard's mailbox, as if wrapped in some deep moral quandry.]

Comments

[321-lifdoff.livejournal.com]

Suddenly, I understand fucking nothing.

But I guess I'll get used to it? Maybe? Anyway, it's rad to see you, even if you are also a bird.

[nolongeralpha.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and we have infinite lives here so you can keep dying like an idiot with pretty much no consequences whatsoever. I mean, other than whatever kind of horrific pain is involved in whatever particular way you kick the bucket.

[Aside: he wonders what trolls think of that phrase]

Give your a protip though: don't drink the milk.

And yeah, it's rad to see you too, even if I just saw your brainwashed 50s drone face yesterday. Alpha-me is around here somewhere, you'll probably run into him soon.

[321-lifdoff.livejournal.com]

What's so bad about the milk? And what's this about me being brainwashed? I have so many questions, Bird Dave, and only you can answer them!

[nolongeralpha.livejournal.com]

Nah I'm pretty sure there's like 3 kids and 12 trolls that can answer them but I'll do it anyway.

First up, the milk that comes in the morning is full of like. Razorblades. Or spiders. Or just straight-up poison. Drink it if you have a serious death wish.

And yeah, when people are here, sometimes the town "drones" them; you act like any of the fifties idiots you see around here who are all "wow Mayfield sure is a great place nothing terrible ever happens here whats that kidnapping you say silly Jimmy stop reading so many fifty-cent comics thatta lad" and pretty much are unresponsive to any of the people who actually know what's going on. Sometimes people get droned for a day because they did something the town didn't like or sometimes for no reason, sometimes longer. Some people get droned and never return to normal. Most people just wake up from it and remember the dumb shit they did.

Then I guess there's cases like you were they get droned then wake up but it's like day 1 all over again and they don't remember ever being here before.

[321-lifdoff.livejournal.com]

Who would do something like that to good wholesome milk! Bird Dave we are clearly surrounded by monsters.

Man, though, it's weird to think that I've already been here! Thanks for explaining all this stuff to me again.

[nolongeralpha.livejournal.com]

Wow and the part where you got kidnapped and shoved into the fifties didn't tip you off? Being stuck in the fifties is a violation of the Geneva convention.

Just think of it as more weird time shit. It's like. Offshoot-timeline kind of stuff, since we never remember being here when we go back apparently. It's definitely not the Alpha timeline.