(no subject)

[con_heir]

[A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 8th of December, is NOT this young man's birthday, and he already has a name! So re-using this tired old joke isn't really going to work, now is it.

Okay, so a young man is standing in his bedroom. Except that it's not his bedroom, even though there are pictures of him all over the place! John Egbert is pretty sure that he would remember what his bedroom looked like, and last time he checked it had been destroyed and was being overrun by imps. John's not sure of many things right now, but he's definitely sure that he don't see no imps in this here bedroom.]

When Jade brought us through that wall, I didn't think this is where we'd end up...

[Time to explore! John heads outside and surveys the neighborhood, and for a while he thinks he may have somehow ended up back in his own neighborhood. This definitely isn't his house, though, and none of these neighbors look very familiar! In fact, the only thing in the front yard that really reminds him of home is the mailbox.

>John: leave a surprise for the mailman.

What? No, that's stupid. He's not going to do that.

>John: poop in the mailbox.

Absolutely not. Never gonna happen.

>John, you take a dump in that mailbox this instant.]

N.... No! I won't!

[Passersby are free to find John staring intensely at his front yard's mailbox, as if wrapped in some deep moral quandry.]

Comments

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Yes, because obviously if I bothered to write out a long explanation so I don't have to explain to everyone every single individual time they show up here the many, many details that are crucial to remember, I relish the opportunity to explain it to you again.

[321-lifdoff.livejournal.com]

I'm not just "every single individual", Karkat, I'm your Earth human buddy, remember? Surely I am worth the time to explain the workings of this strange and wonderful new world.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

No.

I am serious about this. This will mark about the 30th introduction to Mayfield I've had to make, and it's always the same conversation, so I fucking refuse to rehash it.

[321-lifdoff.livejournal.com]

Fine, be that way! Go get your little note. By the time you get back, I bet I know more about this place than you do.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I hope so! It would mean you found a way to be useful.

It's only going to take me a few minutes.

[321-lifdoff.livejournal.com]

What's that? I couldn't even hear you over the sound of all the learning I'm doing! You'd better hurry!

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Shut up! How are you so much more annoying in person?

[Storming (okay not really he's not even mad) off back to his hive! He'll seriously be back in like 10 minutes.]

[321-lifdoff.livejournal.com]

[When he returns, John has just finished talking to like literally everyone else in this post! Man what a busy ten minutes that was.]

Pfft, look at this guy with his little notes. You're too late Karkat, I have seriously mastered everything there is to know about this place. I am the master of Mayfield, it's me.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

[He'll just angrily hand him the note]

Stop being such a bulgerag and just read this. And do me a favor and for once refrain from being a pain in the nook by just ignoring the parts that are obviously troll specific.

[321-lifdoff.livejournal.com]

Okay okay fine, sheesh. [He'll read the note.]

Oh geez. So they're really serious about the, uh, "panscrubbing", huh? This could be a lot worse than I thought...

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Yes, asshole, they're really serious about everything.

You'll be fine, Ilsa lives here and she's okay.