[personal profile] con_heir
[A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 8th of December, is NOT this young man's birthday, and he already has a name! So re-using this tired old joke isn't really going to work, now is it.

Okay, so a young man is standing in his bedroom. Except that it's not his bedroom, even though there are pictures of him all over the place! John Egbert is pretty sure that he would remember what his bedroom looked like, and last time he checked it had been destroyed and was being overrun by imps. John's not sure of many things right now, but he's definitely sure that he don't see no imps in this here bedroom.]

When Jade brought us through that wall, I didn't think this is where we'd end up...

[Time to explore! John heads outside and surveys the neighborhood, and for a while he thinks he may have somehow ended up back in his own neighborhood. This definitely isn't his house, though, and none of these neighbors look very familiar! In fact, the only thing in the front yard that really reminds him of home is the mailbox.

>John: leave a surprise for the mailman.

What? No, that's stupid. He's not going to do that.

>John: poop in the mailbox.

Absolutely not. Never gonna happen.

>John, you take a dump in that mailbox this instant.]

N.... No! I won't!

[Passersby are free to find John staring intensely at his front yard's mailbox, as if wrapped in some deep moral quandry.]

Date: 2011-12-08 11:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
[Oh hey, John's back.

He hadn't been gone very long, so ordinarily Karkat wouldn't care so much, but it just so happens that he's had a series of incredibly exhausting encounters today that have left him on iffy terms with most of his friends, and it's kind of relief to see John just being a complete idiot like always.

Anyway he'll just walk up to John and wait for him to notice someone's there.]

Date: 2011-12-09 12:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
[For a moment, John's trembling hands go to the sides of his pants...

...but then he rips them away, shaking himself violently.]
Bluh! Okay, that was dumb.

[HOLY CRAP SOMEONE'S THERE] Whoa! Don't scare me like that!

Date: 2011-12-09 12:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
[That's right, it's an angry looking alien dude.]

Yeah, I don't really know what I'm watching, but at least we can agree it was dumb.

So you're unpanscrubbed. Do you remember anything?

Date: 2011-12-09 06:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I remember lots of things, including but not limited to an extensive array of majestic cinematic masterpieces. Probably not whatever you're talking about, though.

...hey, do I know you? You seem kinda familiar... [Where has he heard that angry tone before hmmmmmmmmm]

Date: 2011-12-09 03:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Okay, so you essentially remember nothing useful, that's fine. Probably better, even.

Yes, you know me. This is your first time meeting me in person, but my third time meeting you in person, so I already have a sense of how irritating this conversation will wind up being. We've communicated via text previously an untold number of times. Ring any fucking bells?

Date: 2011-12-09 08:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh man. Don't even tell me, I totally got this.

Are you Vriska?

Date: 2011-12-09 09:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This had better be one of your pointless 'pranks.'

Date: 2011-12-09 10:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It was a joke, Karkat, there is a difference! Of course I know it's you. So this is what trolls really look like, huh? You don't seem that different from us. I expected more tentacles, to be totally honest with you.

Date: 2011-12-09 11:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I haven't regained my tentacles yet. One of the many disadvantages of being trapped here.

But aside from my massive and impressive array of tentacles, yes, this is what we look like.

Date: 2011-12-09 11:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Man, I totally called it. I think I can add "xenobiologist" to my already impressive array of biology-related titles. So, hey, good to see you in person, man! I was getting kind of worried about you guys.

Date: 2011-12-09 11:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You as well for limited values of good, except to reiterate, this is my third time meeting you in person.

What point on the timeline are you from this time?

Date: 2011-12-09 11:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Wait, third? How come I don't remember this?

Last thing I remember, I had just wiped out a whole army of monsters with my awesome wind powers, and then Jade made me giant and we both flew through a big glass wall. I think we triggered the Scratch, but I can't be sure.


Date: 2011-12-09 11:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
So you're from Jade's point. Ahead of my conver--

Date: 2011-12-09 11:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
[Oh god. Oh god. Awkward. Ahead of most of Karkat's conversations with John. Shit. Instant subject change is needed.]

Date: 2011-12-09 11:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Basically the same timeline bullshit as always, I mean.

Anyway, this is the third time because this town has a tendency of bringing people here and then giving them amnesia sometimes and it keeps happening to you. I have a note that explains everything, I think I'll go get that and bring it to you.

Date: 2011-12-10 02:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Wow, seriously? That's pretty lame. But hey, if you wrote the note, couldn't you just explain it yourself? [hmm why is Karkat acting so suspicious hmmmmmm]

Date: 2011-12-10 02:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yes, because obviously if I bothered to write out a long explanation so I don't have to explain to everyone every single individual time they show up here the many, many details that are crucial to remember, I relish the opportunity to explain it to you again.

Date: 2011-12-10 03:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm not just "every single individual", Karkat, I'm your Earth human buddy, remember? Surely I am worth the time to explain the workings of this strange and wonderful new world.

Date: 2011-12-10 04:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

I am serious about this. This will mark about the 30th introduction to Mayfield I've had to make, and it's always the same conversation, so I fucking refuse to rehash it.

Date: 2011-12-11 01:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Fine, be that way! Go get your little note. By the time you get back, I bet I know more about this place than you do.

Date: 2011-12-11 01:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I hope so! It would mean you found a way to be useful.

It's only going to take me a few minutes.

Date: 2011-12-11 01:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
What's that? I couldn't even hear you over the sound of all the learning I'm doing! You'd better hurry!

Date: 2011-12-11 01:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Shut up! How are you so much more annoying in person?

[Storming (okay not really he's not even mad) off back to his hive! He'll seriously be back in like 10 minutes.]

Date: 2011-12-11 08:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
[When he returns, John has just finished talking to like literally everyone else in this post! Man what a busy ten minutes that was.]

Pfft, look at this guy with his little notes. You're too late Karkat, I have seriously mastered everything there is to know about this place. I am the master of Mayfield, it's me.

Date: 2011-12-11 09:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
[He'll just angrily hand him the note]

Stop being such a bulgerag and just read this. And do me a favor and for once refrain from being a pain in the nook by just ignoring the parts that are obviously troll specific.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] - Date: 2011-12-15 04:19 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] - Date: 2011-12-15 04:22 am (UTC) - Expand


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